3 years ago, after many years of confusion, contemplation, and depression, I finally took action, sold my house, got rid of most of my things, and I left my mindless, miserable job. I moved overseas for 6 months, saw America, completed my business masters, saw Europe for the first time in my life, got off my fat slob ass and trained like I’ve never trained before to get in fighting shape, starting with visiting and training in Thailand for the first time in my life, and fought in the ring a few times. I finally got the specialized help I needed to fix my decade of complicated back problems, which included completing a personal training course in 3 months, stopped binge drinking, and fixed my diet. I ditched my old, selfish, asshole friends, figured out who my real friends were, gave 4 months 24/7 of my life to bail out my dad’s business, got shafted, and moved to a new city and permanently out of one I never belonged in (after spending over half my life there). I reconnected with as much extended family as possible here and overseas, made new, quality friends, started hammering again through more psychotherapy and personal development courses to deal with my longstanding psychological issues, and started a business. I generally started seeing new things, trying new things and getting out of my very small comfort zone, finally reconnected with doing the things that I love and enjoy, and am finally on my way to finding genuine purpose in my life.
I don’t know if that sounds like much, but I thought it was fairly difficult, having allowed external environmental influences to shape me from an early age to become a coward, a loser, a misfit, an outcast. Such forfeiture of personal dignity is truly unacceptable in a first world paradise where we have every opportunity to become almost anything we desire. I was someone who took the easy route of sitting at home mindlessly memorising a book to get a safe, miserable, secure job, to win meaningless academic accolades and earn some oddly coveted piece of paper, rather than going outside, breaking the mould, living true to my self, and taking grasp of my dreams. For what?
I now cannot lay blame to my parents, my environment, my asshole friends, my isolation, my genetics, though all of these may have created significant external pressures; no, there are no bullshit excuses; I alone am in charge of my life and my destiny. And perhaps everything you ever wanted IS that difficult and complex in your own mind to achieve. Perhaps the difficulty IS finding what you want! But for me, everything I thought was difficult was worth doing and yes, it was the right thing to do. And though I might have started my life a coward, I aim to not end it as one. I’m working on it.
Though ideally we should find and follow our purpose early in life to find optimal spiritual fulfillment, as change in adulthood is much more difficult, it is never too late to instigate change. Enjoy and trust in the process, be happy in the moment, and don’t become too attached to goals and outcomes, because it may take a while to get there! I’m just getting started. I hope to one day know that I have found myself again.
And if you can relate to any of that, then perhaps you might want to take a minute to consider if you need to make changes in your life. Take the first small step, and embrace the challenge of conquering your personal mountain. And when you reach the summit, maybe you will realise that it wasn’t that hard after all. Because it was, and always had been, the RIGHT thing to do.