Category Archives: Psychology

I’ve watched this video a few times as I’ve never really stopped to think about it in detail. This is an interesting idea. It’s a vague word, layered with multiple vague meanings. Be concerned and cautioned if someone calls you “nice” or you feel that someone else is being “nice”.

I HATE being called nice. I consider it the worst insult to my being. I KNOW that when someone calls me “nice”, they don’t really mean I’m kind or generous. They mean I’m a fucking pushover. Are you a fake, pretending to be something you are not? Are you weak, pretending or hiding that you are bothered by something?

Nobody calls me kind, generous, or a good person. They say “nice.” Clearly that means something completely different. It means there is a lack of congruence between your internal state and what you are projecting externally. It makes me question who I really am, who I am “being”.

Origins of the word:
Middle English (in the sense ‘stupid’): from Old French, from Latin nescius ‘ignorant’, from nescire ‘not know’. Other early senses included ‘coy, reserved’, giving rise to ‘fastidious, scrupulous’: this led both to the sense ‘fine, subtle’ (regarded by some as the ‘correct’ sense), and to the main current senses.

I think the original definition of the word speaks for itself. Something to reflect upon.

Watch Elliot Hulse’s video about being “nice” here on Youtube:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPDPtt-eCn0

 

PERSISTENCE and PATIENCE

Just stay your course! Staying motivated when you barely see progress from day to day is difficult but when you keep working and stay persistent, compare yourself now to where you were a few months back, you’lll realise that it’s paying off. Setbacks may come your way, but work through these and believe in your purpose.

For myself, I can mention a number of instances where the philosophy of persistence has saved me. I trained a year and half before I could get my first boxing match, after being set back by a broken hand, a month long antibioitic-resistent skin infection, and 4 months of not training while bailing out my dad’s bad business. I worked 6 years on my old job that I did not like, taking almost no holidays, to leave honorably on a high, and with enough savings to start afresh. I went through 2 years of braces a second time, to prepare for jaw surgery to correct my crossbite. I have spent many years correcting negative thinking patterns, a couple of years on and off psychotherapy, CBT and psychological counselling for social phobia and other complex issues, and have almost reached comfortable social functioning (though I aim to master it).

I have spent 2-3years on and off, and the last 6 months working consistently on correcting a decade of functional scoliosis and low back pain through learning as much as I can through a completing a PT course, finding a very skilled physio, writing a complex corrective program, and performing it regularly, with noticable though slow progress.

All the work has been worthwhile and yielded results over time. I know that working to correct any present difficulties will lead to a better life in future.

The hardest thing about learning new things and making new habits is perhaps breaking old bad habits first that get in the way. You have to work on those things concurrently. Don’t overwhelm yourself with expectation; when you start from negative, getting to zero is a great achievement! Also, the best person to count on is you, you know yourself better than anyone – HEAL THYSELF.

Obviously the best thing is to get everything right early in life, and have the gift of good luck, but for the rest of us… believe in the changes you are making, don’t let the setbacks phase you, be determined to reach your goal, work consistently and keep persistent!

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BEING ALONE vs LONELINESS: A SOCIAL HEALTH ISSUE?

As I sit alone on my bed on a Saturday night, in my tiny place, still a relative newcomer to this city, with my Laptop, social media, writing pad, and football on TV to keep me company, I wonder if can be alone without being lonely. It’s a feeling that comes and goes; perhaps I am better off than most.

This is a nice article on the matter from the Sydney Morning Herald, check it out!

Quotes from the article:
“Douglas, meanwhile, touches on the elemental factor about loneliness: it’s a matter of perception. “Everyone’s problems are relative to themselves,” he says. “That’s why it’s so difficult for someone like me to talk to people about this – people would kill to have my problems.””

“Says ANU researcher and clinical psychologist Jay Brinker: “It is not objective social isolation that is the culprit, but the perception that one’s social interactions are inadequate or deficient.””

“But out to dinner, at a game, we can be lonely too – lonely in a crowd. It’s a feeling of separation: nose pressed against window, seeing but not connecting; an icy river, a gorge, a moat between one and the rest.”

“I feel relieved to be in fine company: on his blog, the English actor Stephen Fry, who has been open about his struggle with mental illness, recently wrote of the sensation. “I am luckier than many of you because I am lonely in a crowd of people who are mostly very nice to me and appear to be pleased to meet me.””

“Loneliness is usually a temporary state; isolating events such as relationship breakdowns or financial hardship mean people can move in and out of loneliness. Single parents and people like me who live alone are twice as likely to experience loneliness. Men are generally more vulnerable than women.”

“But “connections” and laughs aside, everything seems to point to the fact that technology is having a fundamental – and negative – effect on the way we interact with others and is actually contributing to the loneliness epidemic.”

“Technology celebrates connectedness, but encourages retreat,” he wrote. “Each step ‘forward’ has made it easier, just a little, to avoid the emotional work of being present, to convey information rather than humanity.”

“We wave our mobile phone about and proclaim how connected we are, he says, “but you can use them to avoid being human. I suspect that the next generation is going to be entirely skilled with these things and entirely unequipped for real human beings.” A relationship via a mobile phone, he says, is nothing like a relationship face to face.”

http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/all-the-lonely-people-20130826-2skkz.html

Article (Policymic.com) – Bullying and Long Term Effects

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” – Frederick Douglass

Also, it’s important to think about how perceived “bullying” is framed psychologically by the child. One should not build a habit of seeing themselves as “victims”, but rather find ways to build strong self-esteem, take responsibility for their own well-being, and not be affected adversely but such psychological affronts.

Easier said than done, but as we learn later in life, the only one thing we really have control over is our way of thinking, and we will need to continually overcome even more difficult challenges in life in order to grow and learn. Speaking from experience, seeing myself in the frame of being a victim in the past did nothing for my personal development and growth.

Empower yourself early in life, take every challenge as a learning experience rather than a defeat.

http://www.policymic.com/articles/87961/a-new-study-shows-the-true-impact-of-childhood-bullying-and-it-s-far-worse-than-we-thought?utm_source=policymicFB&utm_medium=main&utm_campaign=social